Bye Bye Baby Years

Since he could talk to tell me what he wanted baby Roy would ask, at the end of his bath, "Mama, hold me like baby.  Let me see."  I'd wrap him in his green monkey towel (or else he'd say "me cold!"), cradle him like a baby, and we'd stand in front of the mirror until we were both satisfied with the moment.  He'd say 'That me.  That mama," or recently, "There me is.  There you are."  Or he'd close his eyes and feign sleeping, nuzzling close to my chest, proving that he was, in fact, still my baby, still cuddle-able, still holdable.

This morning was the first time that, after his big boy shower, I took him out, dried him off, and he did not demand "Mama, hold me like a baby."  I thought he just forgot, in the excitement.  Hmmm.  So I said, "Hey - Do you want me to wrap you in the towel and hold you like a baby?"  "No," he said.  "Me walk by myself."  And after a quick toweling off, he and his naked little bottom sprinted to his room to get ready.  He still needs help with that.

I shrugged it off.  Just a fluke.  Surely he didn't mean it.  He just forgot.  We were in my bathroom, instead of his where we normally are post-bath.  He was out of his element.  No biggie.  He'll ask me next time to hold him like a baby, when we're in the normal scene of the kids' bathroom, or he'll acquiesce to my request.  I'll surely get to wrap him up and hold him like a baby, post-bath, again.

But one day I won't.  One day, without even noticing, because it will have happened less and less frequently, he'll towel himself off, run to his room, dress himself all by himself by then, and it will have happened.  I will have, at some point, held him post-bath like a baby for the last time.

Time marches on.  It marches right over this mother's heart and stomps on it.  That's what it feels like.  Most days, my heart interprets it as - I want another baby.  But when I'm honest with myself and the reality of, well, reality, there are no more babies in our future.  When my heart and head accept that, I may take a day off work or at least wear all black, in mourning.

But I need and want to avoid mourning the fact that my kids aren't babies any more because they are fantastic amazing little humans no matter their age or stage.  So, here's to celebrating, today, the first of a last.  It means my little boy is growing up and becoming more of the amazing human he is.  I may not always be able to wrap him in a towel and pick him up but I certainly plan to take those moments when I can hold onto him and we can look at each other or in a mirror, hug and say - There's me, there's you, until we're satisfied with the moment.

10 Ways Parenting is like the Peace Corps

So I was in the Peace Corps - the "toughest job you'll ever love."  Next to parenting, that is.  It occurred to me this week, staying home with my son who has a mysterious fever-causing illness, how similar my life is to when I was in the Peace Corps.  Here's how:

1. Children, often partially naked and hungry, are watching my every move making me feel like a big fish in a little glass bowl.  
2. When driving distances , I often find myself eyeing good spots for places to pee by the side of the road.  (But for the kids - not for myself, so that's a small difference.)
3. I never feel fully clean...  except for the two minutes during or right after a shower, and then the feeling quickly dissipates.
4. There is an ongoing theme of illness - some diagnosed, some mysterious, often causing fevers and diarrhea and vomiting.
5. I get to learn several new languages!  The language of parenting, some sign language (of the baby variety), and each of my children's' unique words for things that until recently only I could understand.  It's not French and Kabiye, but it's close!
6. Sometimes I feel like I'm forging through the parenting landscape with nothing but a bicycle and a book.  Before I had "Where there is no doctor" but now I have "Where there is no super nanny" and at least one partner who's got my back!
7. You can never have enough batteries, duct tape and stuff to wash your hands.  
8. Gift giving has climbed the ladder to a more important place in my life.  Birthday parties galore.  Rewards for job well done.  I'm not used to this.
9. It feels like constant problem solving.  "How am I going to get my gas canister to town when the market isn't until Wednesday and there's no way to find a taxi?" is very similar to "How am I going to navigate around Target if I need a huge bag of dog food and the baby demands that I carry him on my shoulders?"
10. I learned that the feelings of wanting to run away or hide, and shower everybody in sight with love and affection are not as far apart as you might think.

I am now fully convinced the guy who crafted the Peace Corps slogan was also a parent and thus the similarities.  Now I must go tend to my naked 2-year-old asking for food.

Do I look frazzled yet? {A morning recap.}

Hang on to your hats.  I'm about to share what my morning was like.

The only out-of-the-ordinary I expected was dropping off the dogs at the groomer.  Oh boy.... was I wrong.

First, we all got ready and out the door yay!  Dogs and kids in the car.  Took the kids to school.  Nothing seemed awry.  Yay!  Off to the groomers...  dropped the dogs off.  Cool as a cucumber.  Then, I thought, I'm close to Walgreens - I'll step in to see if my reprints are done.  Well, no such luck.  {I had gotten reprints because the first batch were stuck together.  Looks like I forgot to submit my order on the free reprint!  DOH!  Did it in store. But that meant a 3rd trip to Walgreens later.  Oh well...}  Off to work!

I got to work 5 minutes before staff meeting.  Time to spare and check my email and voice mail!  Uh oh.  I have SIX VOICE MAILS from daycare and hubby all trying to tell me that baby Roy has a 100 degree temperature.  Hmmm.  Does that mean I have to go get him?  What's going on?  Must go to staff meeting.

Get text from husband that he's going to get baby.  I step out to call him - and tell him no I can get the baby; I know he's sitting in on important interviews today.  So it's settled.  I have to go get baby.

But first - I do my report in staff meeting.  Then at a good time, make a graceful exit.

[cute musical notes]  On the road again!  Drive to pick up baby.  His teacher tells me that it just hit !!??102.2?!?.  I'm feeling like horrible mom because he didn't even seem hot less than 2 hours ago when I dropped him off.  She says it elevated really quickly.  To me that means - trip to the doctor!

Call the doctor.  Take the next appointment at 10:45.  Go there, do that, poor baby has to get his finger pricked twice and doesn't cry at all!  We have to come back tomorrow to check again if he may have an infection but so far, all signs point to virus. 
On the way home, the groomer calls.  Dogs are ready!  We swing up by the groomer, throw the dogs in.  Hey wait - there's Walgreens again - wonder if my pictures are ready?  Baby's asleep.  I call and yes - they are - and waiting for me right up front!  I pull up in front, don't care what other customers are saying about me, grab the pics and head home.


And that, folks, is how a perfectly good working mom routine gets even better.  I get to spend the day with my boy.