12 Social Norms to Ignore [at least sometimes], & Improve Your Life

1.  Shower every day.
2.  Never sleep in your clothes.
3.  Never sleep in your clothes then wear them all day the next day too.
4.  Don't eat with your fingers.
5.  Snacks can't be a meal.
6.  Your house must be spotless.
7.  Stuff must match other stuff.
8.  You shouldn't share your age.
9.  Don't talk about your problems.
10.  Keep your mouth shut and be nice.
11.  Go along to get along.
12.  No PDA.

Bye Bye Baby Years

Since he could talk to tell me what he wanted baby Roy would ask, at the end of his bath, "Mama, hold me like baby.  Let me see."  I'd wrap him in his green monkey towel (or else he'd say "me cold!"), cradle him like a baby, and we'd stand in front of the mirror until we were both satisfied with the moment.  He'd say 'That me.  That mama," or recently, "There me is.  There you are."  Or he'd close his eyes and feign sleeping, nuzzling close to my chest, proving that he was, in fact, still my baby, still cuddle-able, still holdable.

This morning was the first time that, after his big boy shower, I took him out, dried him off, and he did not demand "Mama, hold me like a baby."  I thought he just forgot, in the excitement.  Hmmm.  So I said, "Hey - Do you want me to wrap you in the towel and hold you like a baby?"  "No," he said.  "Me walk by myself."  And after a quick toweling off, he and his naked little bottom sprinted to his room to get ready.  He still needs help with that.

I shrugged it off.  Just a fluke.  Surely he didn't mean it.  He just forgot.  We were in my bathroom, instead of his where we normally are post-bath.  He was out of his element.  No biggie.  He'll ask me next time to hold him like a baby, when we're in the normal scene of the kids' bathroom, or he'll acquiesce to my request.  I'll surely get to wrap him up and hold him like a baby, post-bath, again.

But one day I won't.  One day, without even noticing, because it will have happened less and less frequently, he'll towel himself off, run to his room, dress himself all by himself by then, and it will have happened.  I will have, at some point, held him post-bath like a baby for the last time.

Time marches on.  It marches right over this mother's heart and stomps on it.  That's what it feels like.  Most days, my heart interprets it as - I want another baby.  But when I'm honest with myself and the reality of, well, reality, there are no more babies in our future.  When my heart and head accept that, I may take a day off work or at least wear all black, in mourning.

But I need and want to avoid mourning the fact that my kids aren't babies any more because they are fantastic amazing little humans no matter their age or stage.  So, here's to celebrating, today, the first of a last.  It means my little boy is growing up and becoming more of the amazing human he is.  I may not always be able to wrap him in a towel and pick him up but I certainly plan to take those moments when I can hold onto him and we can look at each other or in a mirror, hug and say - There's me, there's you, until we're satisfied with the moment.

My 20 '13 Resolutions

Will my resolutions stick?

Maybe you already caught some of my resolutions on Liberating Working Moms.  If you didn't, you should!  The other moms' resolutions are very interesting.  I made a longer list and thought I'd share.  Maybe by sharing I'll actually do some.  I realize not all are in 'resolution' type style.  Some are just things I want to do that will add little to no value to my life.  That's ok.

1. Share more music with the kids.  Music I like and have liked.  I've lost touch with my music.  Let's start digging out my old CDs and playing them in the car.  Mr. Jones and me...
2. Exercise 30 minutes 3 times per week.  This sounds do-able, except when I actually try to do it.  Yawn... boring!
3. Love people more.  Purposefully and intentionally, try to actively love.  Actively empathize.  Treat them how they want to be treated.  Love them even if they won't love me back.  Love people without wanting or expecting anything in return.  Ruminate about what it really means to love people.
4. Add new main-dish veggie dishes to my cooking repertoire.  A real challenge!  Also, stay vegetarian.
5. Pursue more paid writing outlets.  Take at least 1 step towards branching into print material?  That may be a stretch.  But I do have the neverending book brewing in the back of my mind.... it changes purpose and title and theme and plot... but it's brewing I think.
6. Limit social media.  Try to check Facebook only once per day.  It has added value to my life....  in ways that deserve another blog post unto themselves.... but it sucks time and more often than not makes me feel worse rather than better.
7. Refresh my journaling for the kids.  I've kept a hand-written journal for them since they were born.  I need to routinely write to them, even if it's 1 page once a week.  It's a gift to us all.
8. Bring lunch to work at least 4 out of 5 days.  Forgive myself if I slip up some times.  The salad bar at the cafeteria next door is really good.
9. Call my parents more than once a week.  I love them and miss them very much.  They rock.
10. Revisit date night.  Be ok with planning the whole thing myself.  Forgive my husband if he doesn't even think of doing that.  Enjoy the night regardless of who planned it or if anybody has a bad attitude.  Don't go to a movie.  It just pisses us off.... all the cell phones.
11. Do something bold with my blog.  I'm thinking....  a daily tribute to a Facebook friend chosen at random.  It'd be like hosting my own social media funeral in reverse....  violating #6 but living #3.  A contradiction in resolutions!  I love it.  Another bold idea:  some kind of project to help others tell a story.  I love story telling, especially as it relates to challenging life issues.  [I'm open to ideas!]
12. Find a church I actually like and want to go to regularly, or come up with a plan to 'home school' our kids on religious issues.  Seek guidance on this from smarter people than I on this subject.
13. Let my hair grow.  Don't cut it.  Dye it.  Resist the urge to cut it.  Repeat to myself:  I want long hair again.  I never should have cut it.  Don't tame the mane.  Go wild, my inner free spirit child, go wild.  
14. Don't garden.  Maybe a little, but don't spend more than like $25 on gardening crap.  I'm bad at gardening.  Other people are good at it.  Go buy food from them and hope the grocery-market apocalypse doesn't come so I am not forced to garden for survival.
15. Don't stop trying to be bold and brave in the blogosphere just because I'm a government employee now.  Free speech and all.
16. Cuss more.  It feels good.  Not in front of the kids.
17. Be kind randomly more often, to more people.  I know this is kind of a fad right now.... but I don't care.  I want to do this.  It feels good and makes me happy and the other person happy.
18. Don't allow people's comments to get to me. Believe the best about people.  Perhaps they did not mean it that way.  That said, I still need to defend myself, my kids and my family when appropriate.
19. Knock a big hole in the wall between our kitchen and living room.  [May have to save 'repair the wall' for my 2014 resolutions.]
20. Embrace that I am in the "over 35" category now.  Don't be sad.  Be glad.  I'm happier now than I've probably ever been.  98% of days.

How To Make a Tractor Costume {Tutorial}

My son is 2 1/2 and only loves his mom, dad and sister more than he loves tractors.  Specifically, John Deere tractors.  He was just born that way, baby.  It was a no-brainer to try to make him a tractor costume!  Here's how we did it!

What you'll need:
-2 medium sized rectangular shaped boxes.
-Scissors
-Serrated knife
-Marker/ Pencil
-Tractor-colored paint of your choice
-Black paint
-Paint brush or sponge brush
-Duct tape or packing tape


Difficulty level:  Not easy, Not hard                  
Time Commitment:  Over the course of several hours and drying overnight
Can kids help?  A little bit

Instructions:

1) Choose your boxes and arrange them the way you want them to be for your tractor.

2) Cut holes in the top and bottom of the larger upright box where the child will stand.  Then, connect the boxes together.  For our tractor, I used the top end flap on the touching end of the shorter box and stuck into the larger box through a cut slot, and taped it inside.  Then I did the same with the bottom end flap like this:

3) Secure all seams with more duct tape!

{Step 3.5:  Have fun with kids playing with the other boxes!}

Step 4) Break out the paint!  We chose to do a fancy stripe.

Step 5) Make the wheels!  I used a dinner plate to make templates.  For the 'small' front wheels, I used the actual plate size.  For the 'large' wheels, I cut a larger circle around the template.

Step 6) Add the wheels and embellish how you like!  We glued on the wheels but I wanted to use brads so they would roll around.  Oh well.  We used duct tape to make fake windows and headlights.  We've also since added shoulder straps by connecting some ribbon to the front and back of the body opening...  but baby boy doesn't like them.  

Step 7) ENJOY!  {And hope and pray the costume makes it to Halloween!  Have a backup plan :).}

Do I look frazzled yet? {A morning recap.}

Hang on to your hats.  I'm about to share what my morning was like.

The only out-of-the-ordinary I expected was dropping off the dogs at the groomer.  Oh boy.... was I wrong.

First, we all got ready and out the door yay!  Dogs and kids in the car.  Took the kids to school.  Nothing seemed awry.  Yay!  Off to the groomers...  dropped the dogs off.  Cool as a cucumber.  Then, I thought, I'm close to Walgreens - I'll step in to see if my reprints are done.  Well, no such luck.  {I had gotten reprints because the first batch were stuck together.  Looks like I forgot to submit my order on the free reprint!  DOH!  Did it in store. But that meant a 3rd trip to Walgreens later.  Oh well...}  Off to work!

I got to work 5 minutes before staff meeting.  Time to spare and check my email and voice mail!  Uh oh.  I have SIX VOICE MAILS from daycare and hubby all trying to tell me that baby Roy has a 100 degree temperature.  Hmmm.  Does that mean I have to go get him?  What's going on?  Must go to staff meeting.

Get text from husband that he's going to get baby.  I step out to call him - and tell him no I can get the baby; I know he's sitting in on important interviews today.  So it's settled.  I have to go get baby.

But first - I do my report in staff meeting.  Then at a good time, make a graceful exit.

[cute musical notes]  On the road again!  Drive to pick up baby.  His teacher tells me that it just hit !!??102.2?!?.  I'm feeling like horrible mom because he didn't even seem hot less than 2 hours ago when I dropped him off.  She says it elevated really quickly.  To me that means - trip to the doctor!

Call the doctor.  Take the next appointment at 10:45.  Go there, do that, poor baby has to get his finger pricked twice and doesn't cry at all!  We have to come back tomorrow to check again if he may have an infection but so far, all signs point to virus. 
On the way home, the groomer calls.  Dogs are ready!  We swing up by the groomer, throw the dogs in.  Hey wait - there's Walgreens again - wonder if my pictures are ready?  Baby's asleep.  I call and yes - they are - and waiting for me right up front!  I pull up in front, don't care what other customers are saying about me, grab the pics and head home.


And that, folks, is how a perfectly good working mom routine gets even better.  I get to spend the day with my boy.

How To Not Lose It With Your Kids

How could anybody ever get upset at this angel?  

Let's be honest here.  Sometimes your kids will drive you to the brink of insanity.  Like take about two seconds ago when Ivy announced - "I have to go potty!"  So I say "Well then go potty!"  (She's 4 and has been potty proficient for a year.)  "I have to go potty!  I have to go potty!" accompanied by jumps and hops.  "Just go!!!!" I say {shout}.  "Light on!  Light on!"  "You know how to turn the light on! Just go!"  "Mama I have to go potty!"

Do you get my drift?

I won't replay any of our more hair-pulling-out moments.  Sometimes I really feel like I'm going to lose my cool.  Actually, it's getting hot in here is more like it.  Here are a few tips for not totally losing it with your kid:

1) Take your "I absolutely don't want to do this parenting technique" thing off the table from day one.  We took spanking off the table before Ivy was born.  Therefore, it's not an option.

2) Just walk away.  Some people may call this "count to 10" or something.  Whatever you call it, unless danger is imminent, let the moment hang while you be somewhere else.  Everything can be resolved when you feel like coming back.

3) Learn to let go of some things.  Ask - In the scheme of things, does this one annoying or undesirable behavior really matter??  My child won't eat vegetables.  We've decided not to have a battle of wills about that one.  She won't die from lack of vegetables. I don't want her to have memories of us fighting over food at the dinner table.

4) Read books about what to do.  Be an active, informed parent.  There are people who write and do research about this stuff and - gulp - know some stuff to help out us in-the-trenches parents.  You may not agree with it, but at least read something and go from there.  I've gotten some great ideas from 1-2-3 Magic and Scream-Free Parenting.... like not allowing your child (or spouse's) behavior to control your emotions, using 1-2-3 timing, and using a timer to ensure chores get done.

5) Think about what your parents did and what you see other parents doing, and evaluate - do I want to do that, or do I want my kids to have a different experience?  Act accordingly.

6) I do not advocate yelling but admit that I sometimes yell when other techniques seem to not be working.  Some people use a 'pop' as an attention getter.  I use a yell to mean business or to grab attention.  Sometimes I'm still not louder than the kids are being.

7)  If you do lose your cool - do something you regret - be human to your child and apologize for it.  Not the "I'm sorry I yelled but you deserved it" apology but the "I yelled at you and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."  Next time the situation arises, maybe you'll take a different path you won't have to apologize for.

8) This may be the hardest of all, but try to get on the same page as your spouse.  I have no insights about this other than to continually discuss it.  Even if you talk about it before you even have kids, each parent brings their own opinions and baggage to the table and you have to always examine and unpack it, plus decide and agree on common approaches to be consistent.  It's tough.  Kids are brilliant.  They will take any gaps between their parents and exploit them!

9) Look at your child as they are yelling 'no' at you and remember how much you love them.  If it helps, have a 'happy time' that you replay in your memory when the going gets though and they have told you 'no' or not listened to you for the one millionth time this hour.

10) If all else fails... well, I've never gotten to this point personally but if steps 1-9 aren't workin' for you, reach out and get some help.

<3 mb

The Ivory Soap Trick

GASP - I actually did something with the kids that I saw on Pinterest!  And.... drum roll...It was pretty cool!  I was advised that it will ONLY work with Ivory soap.  One of the main ingredients in Ivory soap is water so perhaps that is why this works. 

From this....                                                     To this!

 

Easy peasy steps: 

1) Get a bar of plain white Ivory soap. 

2) Place on a paper plate in the microwave.

3) Microwave for about 1 minute.

4) Look what happens scroll down to see the video and please excuse my dirty microwave)!  

The result is kind of like a hardened flaky dough.  We tried to mold it and cut shapes out of it with cookie cutters.  It worked OK... we made a few pretty little leaf shapes.  Maybe if we had nuked the soap in chunks and taken it out a little sooner, the whole cookie-cutter idea would have worked better.  I bought a 10 pack of soap so we'll try that next time!


<3 happy soap nuking!
mB

Clip Clop Mama Rides Again

I'm not sure I've ever explained why I changed my blog title to "clip clop mama." I'm not sure I even know myself, but I'll try to explain it for fun and see where this goes.

Way back when Ivy was two, in the summer of 2010 (soooo long ago in toddler years), she learned how to say flip flops, only it came out "clip clops." She was enthralled with her clip clops. We bought her several pair. I remember sitting on the floor with her in Babies R Us trying on these blue flip flops, trying to find ones that would fit her fat little feet. They were the only pair left in her size - it was towards the end of summer. We bought them, but - like the others before them - they wouldn't stay on or hurt or feet. But she persisted, wanting to wear them despite the pain because she loved them so much. She would walk stiff-legged in them, like simply wearing them was special and also treacherous. Mostly we wound up carrying her while she proudly admired her clip clops.

It was, as I'm prone to say, the most adorable thing I've ever seen.... until it was topped a second later by the next adorable thing she did. In our house, clip clop stuck. I called my flip flops clip clops. My husband calls flip flops clip clops.

She's grown a little since then. She can almost say her 'f's and I haven't heard her say 'clip clops' since last summer. But I will forever call them clip clops.

This forever name change for our beloved summer footwear of choice is a stark reminder, to me, of how much I love my kids. How amazed I am by their very being. I wanted children from the time I knew what the word meant. I named Ivy 10 years before she was born, even getting a tatto in her future honor. I imagined having a child would change my life. That it has, even in ways I never could have imagined.

She, as my first born, changed my world, my perspective, my heart.... and what I will forever call my summer footwear of choice. Clip clops.

Post-note: The saga continues. Last night, we read a book called Clippity Clop, about a horse who gives piggy back rides to all the animals on the farm, all at once, and then flips them into the hay for fun - and they shout, "again!" Ivy says: That's you mama, like when you give me and baby Roy horsey rides! Yep, that's me. Clippity clip clop!

13 Working Mom Shortcuts I can’t live without

1. Wash-and-go $13 haircut from cheap haircut place (buy ten get one free too!)
   
2. The 30-minute laundry wash cycle
3. Online banking and bill pay (does Anybody balance checkbooks any more?)
   
4. Planned leftovers (better the second go-round!)
   
5. Juiceboxes, gogurt, bananas and cereal bars
6. My Nook - especially Free Fridays!
7. Online library services - Did you know you can 'order' up to 25 books online and they'll notify you when they're ready for pickup?L ove the Chesterfield County library!
   
8. The daycare bag (though often forgotten) - For all the art, notices and show-and-tell items so I can manage to hold everything out the door.
   
9. Saved passwords in drafts - Maybe the best idea I ever had. All important online passwords I saved in 'draft email' form... so I can access anywhere even on my....
   
10. Smart phone. I heart it. I may buy it a valentine's gift.
    
11. A Google calendar for each of us, plus a family one, all merged with my work calendar. Sync, sync and sync!
    
12. Hummus and pureed pumpkin. Shhh... they'll never know there's healthy stuff on the grilled cheese or in the spaghetti sauce!
13. The Wii. OK I'm not sure if I can live without it yet or not, but it's my new workout tool.
    

Toddler Friendly Knock Knock Jokes!

Big Sis is obsessed with knock-knock jokes these days. We've made up some fun ones and I've found others she loves. Who doesn't love a good knock-knock joke? What are your favorites?

Knock Knock Who’s there? Olive. Olive Who? Olive you! [I love you!]
Knock Knock Who’s there? Valen. Valen Who? Valentine I love you!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Woo. Woo Who? Woo hoo let’s party!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Atch. Ach Who? Bless you! You sneezed.
Knock Knock Who’s there? Moo. Moo Who? Why is there a cow in here??
Knock Knock Who’s there? Hoo. Hoo Who? How did an owl get in here!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Yoo. Yoo Who? You who – where are you?
Knock Knock Who’s there? Peek-a. Peek-a Who? Peek a boo!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Boo. Boo Who? Why are you crying?
Knock Knock Who’s there? Leena. Leena Who? Lean a little closer to me!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Senor. Senor Who? Seen your underpants!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Canoe. CanoeWho? Can you lend me some money?
Knock Knock Who’s there? Butter. Butter Who? Butter open the door quick!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Yo. Yo Who? Yo’ mama!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Gorilla. Gorilla Who? Gorilla cheese sandwich for me!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange Who? Orange you happy to see me?
Knock Knock Who’s there? Coocoo. Coocoo Who? Coocoo-ca-tchoo!

Are Our Kids Geniuses?

OK If you don't like it when people brag about their perfect children, then stop reading now. I'm going to brag about my kids. They are amazing, beautiful, curious, little miracles.

Big Sister is three-and-a-half going on ten. Here are several of her hilarious quotes from this week.

Me to her: "Honey, when we're at the performance, you have to be very quiet so everybody can enjoy the dancers and the dancers can concentrate." Her to me: "But mom, I can't hold my breath that long!"

When we were out having lunch with a colleague last Friday, my friend is explaining her organization to me and refers to a new Board Chair. Ivy, happy to contribute, says "Oh! I got a new couch!"

On Saturday I took her to a local dance festival. I was in pure joy, as she asked me questions and got excited each time a new dance troop came out. "Mama! They have tutus like me!" or "Mama, their costumes are really cool!" My favorite was, when a couple did the fox trot, the lady was wearing a white dress. Big Sis: "Mom, they're getting married!"

She can almost write her name, is amazed at what words start with which letters, and has scored off the charts on developmental screening tests. She does things that some five years olds can't do yet. Dress herself. Brush her teeth. Remember things, compute ideas, and regurgitate them with very clear understanding.

Baby Genius is the same way, in his own way. He only has about 30 solid words in his vocabulary but he understands EVERYTHING you say to him. He has almost mastered going up and down stairs by himself. He's been feeding himself since about 10 months' old, and throwing things in the sink and trash since he could walk. He can clean up his toys like a pro. He loves to 'cook' and knows all the steps when he helps me. He plays a mean game of Memory for his age. He remembers almost all the words in books his dad reads to him at night. I could go on and on.

Clearly, my kids are geniuses. But WAIT! That directly contradicts the title of this post!

The thing is, in reality, my kids likely aren't geniuses. Of course I think they are. Any mom will tell you their kid is a genius. The fact of the matter is, all those moms are right. ALL kids are geniuses in their own way. So by virtue of EVERYBODY being a genius, none of them are.

Where I'm going with this is - I feel our challenge is to nurture the 'genius' in them. And not let the 'real world' squash their genius... which is what I think happens. Any ideas on how to do this??? I'd love to hear!

Scientific(ish) Parenting: Getting Big Sis to Eat Her Vegetables

Two posts in a row?  And two in Scientific(ish) parenting?  Goes to show you I've been thinking about this a lot!  I have quite a few more lined up too!  Unlike the potty training graph, this one is a current experiment in progress for Big Sister.  (Potty training is in progress for Baby Genius, however... stay tuned for a comparison chart in the coming years).  I think the graph below and accompanying text say it all.  You might ask - why don't you use the 80% success rate approach more?  I have two cookbooks to help me in this quest - one from The Sneaky Chef and the other from her arch-nemesis, Jerry Seinfeld's wife - here.  I am working on figuring out what things the whole family will eat that I can hide veggies in.  Would love recipes if you have some to share!  :) MB

Scientific(ish) Parenting: Potty Training Success

There are no perfect parents. For those of us trying to be mindful, strategic,
successful parents (hopefully all of us), this is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe
it's just me, but I like to think that there are people out there who've figured it out. Somehow, that idea
gives me hope that I, too, will figure it out.... or that "it" is "figure-out-able."

However, I also know there are no right answers, no golden gooses, no silver bullets, and no more good analogies for me to use in this sentence. We all do the best with what we've got. There seems to be a lot of stretching of the truth on parenting websites. Pish posh, I say, to reports of perfect children sleeping through the night from day one and always sleeping in their own bed. Pish posh, I say, to reports of potty training 13-month old with narry a soiled diaper to be had again. Pish posh, I say, to reports of children demanding to eat vegetables at every meal. Such reports, and others like them, just serve to make the rest of us turn green with envy and wonder what we're doing wrong.

In the midst of all this pish-poshing, and in the spirit of "doing the best with what we've got," I've decided to periodically post a "scientific(ish) parenting" post in which I create a graph reflecting a
parenting reality as we have come to know it.

Click on the graph to see the enlarged version - It is graph #1: Potty Training Success. I believe it reflects a reality of our parenting. We set our goal and learn something about how to get there. We try something - usually involving praise, candy and fruitless convincing! If it doesn't succeed like you had hoped, try again. Something new this time.

It took Big Sis probably 1 year to learn to use the potty, from age ~2-1/2 to a little past age 3. We still have occasional accidents, but they are few and far between now. In the end, all us 'adults' did was lay the foundation. She had to decide for herself when the time was right!

Crying in the Juice Aisle

I almost cried in the juice aisle today. Let me back up for a minute and tell you about a time when Big Sister was 5 months old (over 3 years ago). I breastfed her from the start but around 5 months old, the milk I was pumping was not meeting her need at daycare. We had to buy formula. I clearly remember standing in the formula aisle at Target just crying and crying, and my husband rubbing my back and telling me that it was ok, we had no choice, our daughter needed to eat. I felt like a failure. I felt like a bad mom. I wanted to provide everything she needed and this was the 'writing on the wall' that I couldn't do that. The end of the story is boring. We bought the organic formula because it just sounded the best, she got hooked on it, wouldn't drink the cheap stuff, and we still nursed until she was a year old.

Fast forward to today. I didn't really cry. I almost did. I was trying to buy apple juice. To get you up to speed, there is recent news about excess arsenic in apple juice due to unregulated pesticides used in orchards overseas. ARSENIC?? What mother would want to buy something that has arsenic in it??? Well, my kids love apple juice. They are snobs about it. No other juice will do. The stuff is good. So I'm thinking - "I can do this. Surely I can find juice made from organic apples grown in the United States." I read the labels on every bottle. I know other customers thought I was crazy. Slowly, I felt the stinging behind my eyes. Clear sign that tears are coming. What is wrong with me? I thought. Why am I crying about this? It was the same feeling I had years ago in Target. I want to provide the best for my kids but I feel like I don't have a choice.

I had no freakin' clue which apple juice to buy.

I landed on an expensive organic apple juice. I brought it home. Big Sister loved it. I now feel like a good mom, like I've done the best I can.

The problem with both of these stories is, while I did the best I could, I wouldn't say the same of the formula or juice companies or those who regular their sale and the process that gets the apple, turns it into juice and gets it on the store shelf. Months after we bought the formula, it was recalled for being contaminated with bug parts. None of the juice companies put on the label where their apples were grown.

So many people think that health and well-being is all about personal choice and personal responsibility. I feel like both of these stories, and my emotional reactions, illustrate that the personal is political. Even in the juice aisle.

Beware the Mommy Brain!

...or just crazy!

I frequently do silly things.  Silly may be the wrong word...  others may use the words...crazy, irrational, funny, weird, bizarre, unique or slightly out of my mind.  You say po-tay-to, I say po-tah-to.  Do not go calling the nice men (or women) in white coats to come and take me away just yet.  I think it is Mommy Brain.

Do you have Mommy Brain?  Or if you're a daddy, is there such a thing as Daddy Brain?  You may have it if things like this happen to you.

You pack your clothes for a long-distance trip.  You're so pleased at your super awesome packing skills that you get done early and play on the computer, forgetting that YOU GOT TO GO to the airport so you jump in the car, leaving later than you wanted.  You get halfway to the airport and it occurs to you that you forgot to pack ... wait for it.... underwear!  Too late to turn around.  You spend your time in both airports with your coworker, answering the question - Do they sell underwear in airports?  The answer is - Yes but only expensive Calvin Klein underwear that might as well be called Wedgie underwear.  Yes.  This happened.  To me. 

Or - you are so happy with your skills to pay the bills - online!  Technorific!  Efficient!  You can do it during the kids' naps or on your break!  No problem-o!  But wait - you think, hmmm, have I paid the power bill?  Let me check.  Yeeessss  buuutttt... that amount looks like the exact same amount I paid to the credit card company.  OH NO I DIDN'T!!  Oh yes I did.  Thankfully -- and coincidentally -- they were almost for the exact same amount and due around the same time.  WHEW!  Crisis averted, no thanks to Mommy Brain!

I am going to advocate for the creation of  an official DSM-IV mental illness diagnostic criteria for Mommy Brain.  On the other hand, scratch that, because that would probably lead to those little women and men in nice white coats coming to take all the mommies away.... because I think I'm not alone in my illness.  Am I....?

Pulling the Santa Card

Picture of me, taken by Ivy - Summer 2011

It is official.  Threes are more terrible than the two's.  I love her dearly but Big Sister has taken an interesting turn lately.  It all started with a bad report at school.  She had scratched another little girl and gotten time out.  Time out?  My child?  We had just had Parent's Night where her teacher raved that she never has any problems with our angel!  Perhaps my daughter had her super radar far-away hearing aid on that night and heard it....  and decided "I'll show them!"  Her first time out was the next day.

Then the next day, she got sent to (wait for it...) the director's office.  Her little yellow behavior school bus went from green to yellow to RED!!  The details are foggy now...  it involved scratching several times, and laughing when she had to sit in time out.  Today was the fourth day we've gotten such a report.  No more trips to the principal's office, but time out nearly every day!  What is going on?? 

We've made her apologize to the teacher each time (again), and she's grounded from the iPhone and special things like watching movies and playing on the computer.  She doesn't seem to care.  We talk about it (maybe too much), she says she doesn't know why, and gets upset and looks like my precious tears-streaming-down-her-baby-face angel.  (Her teacher says it's because she wants whatever they have and gets mad when they won't bend to her will).

I am reminded of a line from Tangled.  "I can't help but notice you seem to be at war with yourself." 

While it's maddening that nothing we do or say seems to have an impact, it does seem like she's having an internal struggle too.  Trying to figure out right and wrong, what to do with some feelings she has - like when she wants something but can't have it, how to resolve that.  It's tough to be on the parenting end of this because you need to accomplish all of the following:  discipline your child, help her understand and resolve her feelings about things, figure out how to help her behave when mom and dad aren't around - and protect her current and future victims.  As if she'd listen to us.  Hah.

Tonight I pulled the Santa card.  "He's always watching you, and he only wants to give toys to children who are nice to their friends- not little girls who scratch their friends."  (Oh yes I did that, and I cringe now.... I don't want her thinking she's a bad girl.)  But she's too smart, she's not buying it.  "He can't see me from far away."  Ever the realist, I played the Santa card and it fell flat.  Got any ideas?

A Day in the Life

This may sound crazy but sometimes I feel if I talk candidly about some of our 'normal' days, that they will sound crazy to most people.  Even more crazy (see - that's the 3rd use of the word 'crazy' (4) so read on at your own risk)...  I feel like it may out ourselves as doing the completely wrong things or scare people away from wanting kids or more kids, or that I will somehow reveal that parenting ain't all it's cracked up to be.  See - crazy, me thinking I would have all that power....  but truth is, some days are no cake walk.  Here's the breakdown of our day yesterday.

6:30  Wake up, have leisurely hour or so having fun, getting annoyed with each other, getting over it
7:30  Finally decide we're all going to get donuts and get advil for baby Roy who's had a fever all night
8:00  Eat donuts; the kids eat all the frosting; we get all the rest; most ends up on the floor
8:30  Navigate grocery store with Big Sister to get advil, diapers, others - I'm sure I forgot something
9:00  Head home, get "real clothes" (forgot to mention kids are in pajamas) and head to zoo despite it being overcast!
9:30-11:30  Have a great time at the zoo!  Despite not feeling well, Baby Monster and Big Sister love it.  The clear highlight of the day.
11:30-12:00  Stop at home improvement store - make decision to move forward with getting carpet, after months of discussion and indecision!  We leave without doing that due to Big Sis having diarrhea again and being trumped by people looking at higher-price carpet.
12:00-4:00  Snacking/eating, reading books, lots of crying and naps.  Baby Monster seems to be feeling worse.
4:00  Big Sister and I go to the library.  Get lots of great books!  She has lots of diarrhea and we leave with her going commando and me smelling like, well, you know.
5:00  Get home - decide Baby Monster needs to see a doctor. It's Saturday evening.  Thank goodness for Kid Med.  Catch up with a friend while cuddling in the doc's office and make plans for next weekend!
6:00  Baby Monster as 102 fever (they took it the 'old fashioned' way), diagnosed with ear infection  My poor baby :(.
7:00 Fill prescription at Walgreens.  He's starting to smile and laugh and feel better - so relieved.
8:00  Finally home.  Big Sister has no pants on -- has had diarrhea again.  Has it one more time.
9:00  Baths!  Officially way past bedtime....  we read some new books and....
9:30  Crying ensues.  Lots of it.  Unsure why.
10:30  Both kids asleep.  I can't sleep so get to read The Help FINALLY after it being on my book shelf for 6 weeks.
11:00  Realize I still have my day clothes on, and still smell a little like diarrhea.  Take a shower, then Thankful for the peace and quiet.... and that we had a nice day despite all the sickness and diarrhea and that everybody has a path to wellness now.


In the end, we all love and took care of each other.  I guess maybe it doesn't sound so crazy after all.

5 Things I Won't Miss About the Baby Years

 Now that our son is well past age 1 and our daughter has been out of 'baby mode' (mostly) for over 2 years, I almost feel like the "Baby Years" are behind us.  I loved my babies.  I loved everything about them, every moment, every new thing, every sensation in every way.  However, like many earth-shattering, life-changing experiences, there are things about it I won't miss.  Similar to my Peace Corps experience, being a new parent during those Baby Years was the "toughest job I'd ever love" (I've heard adolescence isn't a cake walk either!) and I am here to say "good riddance" to the tough parts!  Here are the Top 5 things I will not miss in any way shape or form.

1.  Feeling like a hostage to my babies' breastfeeding needs.  I loved breastfeeding and I would make the same choices all over again.  But sometimes I felt like breastfeeding's puppet, like it really controlled me, rather than the other way around.  And I don't tend to like not being in control.  But that's how nature intended.  It's what works best for baby.  Maybe it was my personality, but there were times when I could almost see the metal chains and feel the metal cuffs that, whenever my kids' needed to nurse (sometimes every 30 minutes an hours!) would supercede everything else in my life and pull me out of the real world and into the nursing cocoon.

2.  Trying to use the bathroom while nursing one baby and comforting the other (A.K.A. Ridiculous multi-tasking).  That's almost all I need to say or can say about this one.  I don't even like the feeling I get just trying to remember what it was like to hold a nursing or crying baby with one hand and finally decide to just go ahead and use the bathroom at the same time, come what may.  Stretched.  To.  The. Max.  Emotionally and physically.  Moving on.

3.  Not getting a chance to look at myself in the mirror (and when I did, not recognizing the person there)  This is just a different variation on #2, but a distinct one.  Basically, I will not miss having no time to pay attention to myself.  I know my hair looked scary crazy some days and there were days when I just had to 'take one for the team' and skip a shower.  I would go to work and people would pick cheerios off my back and politely tell me they thought I had dried baby spit-up on my shoulder.  Nice!  What this boils down to was having so many people (kids, husband, co-workers, boss, etc!) with so many needs imposed upon me that I just feel like an entity meeting the needs of others,to the point of losing my sense of self.  [Perhaps I could have used some therapy for that, ha ha!]

4.  Feeling not unlike a cow.  All you new mommas who pump milk for your baby, holla!  I may miss breastfeeding my kids (eventually) but I will NEVER miss the pump.  It was a nice pump.  It worked very well and allowed me to feed my child when we weren't together.  For this I am forever grateful to the inventor of the pump and to those who gifted me the pump.  But the pump and I had a love-hate relationship I will not miss.  MOOOOOOOOve over pump, don't let the door hit you in the butt when you leave!

5.  The ever-present fear that somebody or something would take away my newfound joy.  This is not something I've talked about with other moms so I'm unsure if this is a common feeling.  I was, almost on a daily basis, scared that somehow, my babies would die.  I hate to put such a fine point on it, but that's how I felt.  The nature of my career has enlightened me about all of the possible ways parents can lose babies, so that may be part of it.  More than that, though, was that  I was so incredibly in love with my babies, so happy with everything they brought into my life that I thought there was no way that Whoever's In Charge would allow me to continue being so happy without some sadness to balance it out.

I'm not sure that the fear of #5 has subsided, but it is more in the background than the foreground now.  I know that statistically, the risk of losing a child after infancy drops dramatically.  There are times when I hug them and think about all these things I won't miss and pull them a little tighter, feeling like we've done battle together and I'm ready for almost anything ahead.  I've been in the trenches of the Baby Years.  Bring it on.

The last of the "clip clops."

Slowly and quickly, we have stopped keeping track of Big Sister's age in terms of weeks and months and we are now decidedly keeping track by the full year count.  Three.  I never get tired of saying "It's hard to believe."  Because it is.  Somewhere along the way, between 24 months and 36 months, after coming up for air after the grand entrance of Baby Genius into our lives, I realized we had been keeping track of so many "firsts" that the "lasts" had been quietly fading into the past.  When did we switch from counting months to counting years?  I cannot say.

So I've been trying to capture, using my mental camera, my real camera, and my periodic journaling, the "lasts".  One of the most painful for me is that somewhere between the summer of 2010 and the advent of spring 2011, Big Sister gained the ability to say the "f" sound, so what once were "clip clops" are now "flip flops" (or close enough anyway).  I really liked "clip clops" so I reserve the right to still call them that!  Every time she says 'flip flops' I'm reminded of the passage of time... like sands between my toes when I'm wearing my clip clops.  :)

Baby Genius has had many recent notable and noticeable lasts.  I missed documenting the exact date, but we put away the Johnny Jump Up a few months ago, and the Activity Table.  He is too thrilled with running and moving to be deterred by such stationary or restrictive devices!  Almost as soon as his grandparents bought him his first pair of Big Boy Size 4 shoes, he outgrew them.  Those are the worst.  When the 'last' butts up too close to the 'first."  Those are hard on the heart.

Perhaps the biggest "last" lately has been the end of breastfeeding.  That happened on Saturday, June 18, almost 3 weeks ago.  I made a conscious decision to always remember it.  I came home after a 2-day trip and tried to nurse him to comfort him and he bit me!  That bite told me, "Mom, this has been dwindling for a while.  I drink milk just fine!  I don't need you to do this any more for me."  (Also he was really gassy!)

This 'last' signified freedom for me, and greater independence for him.  So far we are both the better for it!  I can wear pretty (smaller!) bras, and not feel like there's an invisible chain he can pull to make me do his bidding!  He seems a little more relaxed; I think the need to nurse sometimes made him anxious and uncomfortable. 

I know one day I will be sad remembering the days when all my kids needed was a fresh diaper and some food that only I could provide.  There may even be a day when I wish I had another baby to hold and cuddle and nurse.  But those will be fleeting, and I will be able to return to the here-and-now and relish in being able to have my body be my own!  At last!